Five tips to help stay sober during the holidays

The holidays can be a fun time of joy and celebration, but for those in recovery, constant social events might elicit feelings of stress, temptation, triggers, and peer pressure.

For many, maintaining sobriety during the holidays might make celebrating a dreaded experience. Xavier Aguayo, Clinical Therapist at Loma Linda University Behavioral Health, explains that for many people, sobriety means stepping into a completely new way of living.

“To be sober is to be introduced to this new concept of who they are outside of substances,” he says. “That can bring hope, but also fear, especially when social groups, family members, or holiday traditions involve drinking or using.”

If you’re worried about maintaining your sobriety this holiday season, Aguayo provides five practical tips to help keep you grounded.

1. Prioritize awareness

Being fully aware of what you’re walking into can help you acknowledge potential struggles and triggers before they happen. To do this, Aguayo recommends thinking ahead about the events you’re planning to attend and asking yourself a few key questions:

Who will be there?

Will there be an open bar or alcohol?

Will substances be present?

Are there friends or family members who might pressure you?

Will individuals who I’ve used with in the past –– who still actively use –– be there?

By being aware of potential challenges, you can establish an exit strategy if cravings feel overwhelming. You might also choose to bring your own non-alcoholic drinks or snacks, which act as small tools to help you blend in without compromising your boundaries.

2. Build a support system

Sobriety doesn’t have to be a solo journey. Instead of trying to support yourself without outside help, Aguayo suggests attending holiday gatherings with a sober friend, sponsor, or supportive family member.

Before the event, ensure you establish a code word that lets your support system know when you may need extra help staying accountable.

“Sometimes we need a break, accountability, or help leaving a situation,” Aguayo says.

Having someone who knows your goals and can be sensitive to acknowledging your code word can make all the difference between feeling isolated and feeling empowered.”

3. Set guilt-free boundaries

Family pressure during the holidays can add a significant layer of guilt, especially for individuals who are very family-oriented.

But Aguayo emphasizes that protecting your sobriety is not selfish. It’s self-respect.

“If a gathering has the potential to be unsafe or triggering, it’s okay to decline,” he says.

“Saying no might be a challenge for someone who’s never established or reinforced boundaries, but prioritizing rest, nutrition, and overall well-being is respecting yourself and your sobriety journey.”

It’s also okay to suggest alternatives to make a gathering a more controllable environment. For example, you might suggest meeting in a different setting or hosting your own substance-free party.

If loved ones don’t understand or if they react negatively, Aguayo encourages focusing on your own well-being.

“At the end of the day, you can say, ‘I did everything I could in my power.’ What matters most is taking care of yourself.”

4. Create new traditions

Holidays often revolve around family traditions, which can be problematic if these traditions involve alcohol or substance use.

It’s okay to start a new family tradition that has a foundation of sobriety, such as a sober Friendsgiving or hosting a holiday party with non-alcoholic drinks. These kinds of traditions let you stay connected while enjoying the season in healthier ways.
5. Be hopeful

When choosing sobriety, it’s natural to feel like you’re missing out. While in recovery, you may feel like you need to push through the holidays, but instead of focusing on what you might miss out on, prioritize your own well-being. Ask helpful questions, like:

What can I be grateful for?

How can I ground myself?

What can I look forward to?

Because you’re not going to be under the influence, you have the opportunity to take into consideration everything that you have to appreciate.

The best part? After the holidays are over, you’ll be able to look back and think, “This really meant something to me.”